Identifying Abuse

Domestic Violence

Spotting the signs of abuse can be tricky at times.

Domestic abuse is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior that is a pervasive, life-threatening crime affecting people in all our communities regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, social standing, and immigration status.

Physical Abuse
Physical abuse does not always leave marks or cause permanent damage.
Emotional + Psychological Abuse
Emotional/psychological abuse is a behavior your partner uses to control you or damage your emotional well-being. It can be verbal or non-verbal.
Economic + Financial Abuse
Economic/financial abuse happens when the abuser makes a victim entirely financially dependent on the abuser, with no power or say in the relationship.
Stalking and Harassment
Stalking / harassment can happen with strangers or in relationships, where a person demands your time even after you make it clear you do not want contact.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual violence is any sexual contact or behavior that happens without your consent. Other names used for sexual violence – rape, sexual abuse and sexual assault.

Abuse is not love.

It can look and feel different in every relationship.
But, it is always about the control that one person exerts over another.

Domestic violence takes many forms: physical; emotional; economic; stalking and harassment; and sexual.

Physical abuse does not always leave marks or cause permanent damage:

  • Scratching, biting, grabbing or spitting.
  • Shoving and pushing.
  • Slapping and punching.
  • Throwing objects to hurt or intimidate you.
  • Destroying possessions or treasured objects.
  • Hurting or threatening to hurt your children and/or pets.
  • Disrupting your sleeping patterns to make you feel exhausted.
  • Burning.
  • Strangling.
  • Attacking or threatening to attack with a weapon.
  • Any threats or actual attempts to kill you.

Emotional/psychological abuse is a behavior your partner uses to control you or damage your emotional well-being. It can be verbal or non-verbal:

  • Yelling in your face or standing is a menacing way.
  • Name-calling, mocking, intimidation and making humiliating remarks or gestures.
  • Manipulating your children.
  • Telling you what to do or where you can and cannot go.
  • Placing little value on what you say.
  • Interrupting, changing topics, not listening or responding, and twisting your words.
  • Putting you down in front of other people.
  • Saying negative things about your friends and family.
  • Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives
  • Cheating or being overly jealous.
  • Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior by blaming others or saying you caused it.
  • Monitoring your phone calls, texts, car and computer use.

Economic/financial abuse happens when the abuser makes a victim entirely financially dependent on the abuser, with no power or say in the relationship:

  • Forbidding the victim to work or attend school.
  • Sabotaging employment opportunities by giving the victim a black eye or other visible injury prior to an important meeting.
  • Jeopardizing employment by stalking or harassing the victim at the workplace.
  • Denying access to a vehicle or damaging the vehicle so that the victim cannot get to work.
  • Sabotaging educational opportunities by destroying class assignments.
  • Withholding money or giving an allowance.
  • Denying access to bank accounts.
  • Hiding family assets.
  • Running up debt in the victim’s name.

Stalking and harassment can happen between strangers or in relationships, where the abusive partner or ex demands your time even after you make it clear you do not want contact:

  • Making unwanted visits or sending you unwanted messages (voicemails, text messages, emails, etc.).
  • Following you, including installing GPS tracking software on your car or cell phone without your knowledge or consent.
  • Checking up on you constantly.
  • Embarrassing you in public.
  • Refusing to leave when asked.

If you or someone you know has been assaulted, learn what you can do to get help or find help for someone else. Just remember – . It is never the victim’s fault. Many victims + survivors don’t come forward out of fear of judgment or they question whether they actually experienced a crime. At CFJ, we validate your experience, listen to and honor your choices in a nonjudgmental way.

We have specific information for those experiencing any form of sexual violence.
For more information, visit our What is Sexual Abuse? Page.

We understand your situation may be complicated.
That’s why we are here for you.

We are here to listen, to guide, and to support you and your family during this time. Have questions? Think you are being abused? What more information on what is considered abuse? We are here to answer it all.