A Mother’s Voice: Honoring the Daughter She Lost to Domestic Violence

The following story was shared at CFJ’s annual Domestic Violence Awareness Month Vigil on Wednesday, Oct. 9, 2024:

My name is Elba Santos. I’ve been invited here tonight to speak as a secondary survivor of domestic violence.  On January 15, 2021, my daughter Angie Noemi Gonzalez was murdered by her husband in Puerto Rico. She was kidnapped, strangled, and thrown off a 30-foot cliff.

Angie was the first victim of feminicide in Puerto Rico that year, which enraged a lot of women making them spark a significant women’s rights movement.  This led to a widespread outrage and mobilization among women and feminist groups a couple of days after her murder. Feminist collectives and activists took to the streets, denouncing the violence and the character assassination she faced on social media.  This public outcry pressured the government to act, resulting in Governor Pierluisi declaring a state of emergency for gender-based violence.

They say children are supposed to bury their parents, not parents bury their children. Losing my daughter was the worst moment of my life. Three years later, the grief hasn’t become easier, and it will never become easier because I had to bury my daughter.  Today, I’m raising my 3 granddaughters, her daughters, who continue to mourn and suffer the loss of their mother.

I was asked a question. If my daughter was next to me asking me to speak through her today, what would she want me to tell other victims? Angie would say:

“I stayed because of guilt; guilty because what would my 3 daughters think of me for abandoning their dad? I thought my daughters would hate me. I also thought, what would other family members think?  I also stayed because of my self-worth. Could I ever meet someone else? Who else would love me? I thought I deserved the vulgarity and disrespect towards me. I thought I had to “take it.” I also stayed because he threatened me and my daughters and that was very scary. My mistake was giving chances; probably things will get better, probably he will change this time, probably I am exaggerating, etc. I was wrong. I was a pawn in his manipulative game. Today, I wish I could be reunited with my daughters. Please don’t give second chances because sometimes giving an abuser a second chance it’s like giving him another bullet because the first one missed.  You deserve to be seen, heard and understood. You deserve to be valued, respected, and appreciated. Never settle for anything less.”

Angie and I spoke a lot and discussed the what-ifs. And that what if, makes me wish she was still here.

I’ll conclude with something my daughter always wrote and said, “Everything you’re waiting for; you’re dreams, your goals, your hopes and what you deserve, are there, just behind that fear.” Please don’t allow fear to stop you from making those changes you and your children deserve. If you ever need help, please contact the police or go to places like The Center for Family Justice. I wish my daughter could have received the help I’ve received and still receiving at the Center.

I want to thank the Center for Family Justice and everyone here tonight for the opportunity to share my daughter’s story. God bless and good night.